Do you belong to the “NFP cult”?
Blogger and Seattle acquaintance Mark Shea recently gave NFPworks a little nod in a post, which has attracted a clergyman in the combox who snarkily calls (and implies that I think this) NFP the “8th Sacrament” and a sympathetic commenter implies that NFP fans are (or can be) “worshippers” of the “NFPcult.”
Now [taking a deep breath]. If you listen to this homily by Fr. Chad Ripperger, FSSP, which isn’t the priest in the combox, but it seems that they must be on the same page. (I’d really like to hear Fr. Perroni affirm this.)
Anyhow, the homily, unlike most watered-down, feel good verbosity is actually catechetical, and really quite decent. I appreciate the frank approach to catechesis that doesn’t underestimate his congregation. (Though I have a feeling this homily wasn’t given in the average suburban parish–I’d like to see that!)
“Contraception is against every category of ‘natural inclination’.” [Amen.]
I like how he begins by explaining the natural law, quoting St. Thomas, giving examples, and then speaks at length about Holy Matrimony and the Nuptial Act. I like what he has to say–even the part where he strongly emphasizes that NFP is only to be used for just, serious and grave reasons! Despite what Fr. Perroni and friends might think of this, I agree! I may not hit people over the head with my “grave reasons stick” when I begin a conversation with a Catholic (or non-Catholic) on contraception, but I believe what HMC teaches, and stick to it.
“Provided you have the right intention…it’s a morally licit thing.” [Amen.]
Then he goes on to articulate that artificial insemination and In Vitro Fertilization violate the unity of meaning of the nuptial act, meaning that they separate the unitive (by diminishing or eliminating the need for a physical union) from the procreative (the openness to children and hopefully conception).
“Some Catholics mistakenly believe that because the Church is pro-family and pro-children, that somehow that means that any means whatsoever is okay to attain having children, and that’s not true. The Church doesn’t allow us to do that precisely because she does not want us to violate the rule of God, and ultimately for us to lose our souls as a result of it.” [Amen.]
But he quickly transitions to his discussion of the Church’s only approved method of postponing pregnancy (as well as achieving pregnancy and diagnosing women’s wellness issues, the latter which he omits, either for brevity or lack of knowledge on this): NFP. Here’s where we transition to a more reactionary slippery slope:
“It is a mortal sin to use NFP without a sufficient reason.” [Well...yes and no. Debatable.]
Diocesan Family Life Offices & NFP Instructors: OUCH.
“The teaching of NFP , however, has become a bit problematic as of late. In addition to the fact that some people treat it like it’s the 8th Sacrament, and somehow or another if you’re not practicing NFP when you’re married that you’re committing sin–it’s silly, and quite frankly, it’s insulting to people’s intelligence.”
“It’s okay to teach philosophy or the philosophical and theological dimensions to NFP in a common group–I don’t have any problem with that; it’s a good thing. (And by common group we mean mixed company, and things of that sort.)”
“But there are practices that have arisen in virtually every diocese in this country in which detailed anatomical descriptions and even pictures of the two genders is given to people in mixed company. Now let me set this up as a scenario: you have people who are about to get married. The struggle for chastity is extreme already. And then they put pictures in front of them, and then they wonder why they’re fornicating. Hello!? The fact of the matter is that this is putting people in the proximate occasion of sin. It’s mortally sinful to be doing this….But to actually give anatomical details to people before they’re married in mixed company is utterly inappropriate.“
“It’s mortally sinful to be doing this [giving NFP classes to couples before they're married in mixed company]…It’s a sin against modesty!”
Soo…..where to begin?
First, I don’t think being part of the NFP Movement–either by using it, promoting it or teaching it, that it makes one a de facto member of the “NFP cult.” (See my newly revised “About” section to know where I stand on this.)
However, Father does have a point that some people become so devoted to Natural Family Planning, and are so eager to “convert” contraceptive users, that they pitch NFP in such a way as to present it as “Catholic Birth Control” or “Catholic Contraception.” This is wrong, and I hint at this a bit in my “7 Habits” post. It’s true. Sometimes in our enthusiasm for the Church’s teaching against contraception, we give the impression that NFP is a requirement to be holy, and that it’s a given in marriage, when, in fact, NFP (if you’re Catholic), is to be used only to achieve pregnancy, postpone pregnancy for just, serious or grave reasons, or to identify, diagnose and treat women’s wellness issues, including infertility.
Second, I also believe modesty is a vital virtue, one that’s lost on our generation nearly completely. However, to essentially equate an NFP class (and therefore–GASP! Anatomy diagrams!) to pedalling pornography IS RIDICULOUS! Further to accuse nearly every diocesan program (and therefore the individuals running the program, and their bishops!) who sponsors NFP Instruction for the engaged (for most it’s optional, and a few mandatory) OF MORTAL SIN WITHOUT EXCEPTION OR MITIGATION scandalizes me, frankly.
Father clearly leans towards concupiscence with his mention of the “scandal of NFP instruction,” but it seems to me he may not be aware of who the average couple getting married in the Church is. (Now that I think about it, he probably does know and wouldn’t witness the vows of most of the people getting married today.) Diagrams which enable them to learn about and appreciate God’s gift of fertility most likely don’t scandalous those going through NFP Instruction, and certainly wouldn’t scandalize the average couple who frankly are largely already sexuality active and cohabitating.
Prudence is the key to chastity and modesty. Obviously, if a couple has a sensitivity to things sexual or a tendency to lust, and their purity is strong and sensitive, then heck no–stay away from the NFP classes! But by and large, these are not the couples who are going through Engaged Formation in Diocesan programs.
Kyrie Eleison. I’ve gone on long enough. There’s a balance between the “cult of NFP” and the reactionary extremism of aforementioned brands of providentialism as fostered by certain clergy.
What do you think the balance is?
[Update: The discussion in the combox has brought some balanced perspectives, but mostly not. It seems that most people did not listen the homily and statement in question, nor did many care to reply to points made in my actual post. Comments are now closed.]
134 Responses to Priest accuses Diocesan Programs of Mortal Sin!
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I very much appreciate reading the entries here. While I agree that NFP can be useful, to treat it as the norm in a sacramental marriage is a little silly.
Many of the critiques here may not be fond of Scott and Kimberly Hahn (personally I think he’s a mediocre theologian). But, they are wonderful people! I remember how I read a link from Wiki on how they moved progressively from Contracepting to NFPing to Trusting. Amen!
It’s great to see these different points of view aired free of censorship.
Usually the NFP conversation goes along the lines of explaining how
it isn’t the Rythm Method (although the Rythm Method is a primitive
form of NFP) and then explaining how it is different from ABC. Then
a shill chimes in advocating ABC or suggesting its equivilency. They
are quickly convinced how wrong their position is and everyone lives
happily ever after.
NEVER is anyone allowed (except on this blog) to say the things these
priests have said.
Let’s just not lose sight of the fact that we’re on the same side.
Maria, nowhere do I recommend that NFP is the norm within marriage. While this is a NFP blog about things related to marriage and family, especially NFP, you’ll see (especially in my About section), that I understand all the issues that come with a sort of idolatry of NFP. I agree with you about the Hahns! They’re spiritually very grounded, and they take a discerning view on NFP. I heard a talk by Kimberly a couple years ago at a women’s conference in Dubuque, IA, and she spoke very clearly about this.
It’s very interesting that you should put the word trusting with a capital T, as if that’s a movement or some sort of club or state of being that’s superior, since you put it as the opposite of contracepting in your spectrum, with NFP in the middle. It implies that those who use NFP (for a thousand different reasons, by the way, including to achieve pregnancy or treat women’s wellness issues) are *not* trusting. As I’ve said before, NFP can be used with a contraceptive mentality, but to clump all NFP users into the “non-Trusting” boat is, to use your word, silly.
What *nobody* has addressed here except for Damon Owens is that a priest of Jesus Christ publicly accused Diocesan Programs (and the people who run them) of mortal sin. I’m not here to argue about the abuse of NFP because I’ve already made my position clear. What I wonder is, even if you’re a “Trusting” person or providentialist or whatever tag you prefer, is it even *slightly* possible that this accusation and almost draconian and unrealistic interpretation near occasion to sins against modesty is off, incorrect, and as DO suggests, sinful in and of itself? As an aside, I shared this homiletic accusation with solid Bishop (who has a good opinion of the FSSP), and he didn’t agree with this accusation.
What’s your feeling on this?
With all due respect, these pastors are probably academics who preach to some very sheltered groups. They should attend a LifeTeen Seminar with great folks such as these:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMvTyiqUPqU&feature
NFP is about being a MODERN Catholic, not your grandmother’s kinda Catholic! It’s not about postponing or achieving pregnancy (that’s secondary) but actually a way of life. We’ve been practicing it since BEFORE we were married (no, I’m not condoning that); we don’t know if we’ll EVER have children BUT it has been a HUGE benefit to our BONDING! And, if we ever decided to invite a child or two into our lives… it would be the NFP way.
And you can be sure we’d be their FIRST NFP instructors.
Great web site!! As Virginia Slims used to say, “You’ve come a long way baby!”
Psss… just don’t smoke afterwards. Unlike NFP, it’s bad for you.
As for Fr. Ripperger, have you considered contacting him? He seems reasonable and a quick google search reveals that he’s easily reached. He modified my view, that’s for sure!
God Bless
Louise
Louise, that’s a lovely suggestion. I’m sure he is easily reached. I’m sure that he is more reasonable than this particular homily suggests, but at this time I’ve moved on from this particular blog entry–besides keeping up comment approval–and need to focus on other things. Perhaps in the future if I revisit the subject. Thank you for your charity and support!
A direct discussion with Fr. Ripperger on this subject is an excellent idea. I know from a second hand source that he is very wise and charitable on this issue at the pastoral level although he may seem cold when he comes across as an academic when he writes or preaches. Don’t know if he uses email, but you could probably print this entry off along with the string of comments and mail it to him. I’m sure he’d take the time to respond respectfully. He has never impugned the motives of NFP advocates and never stoops to the ad hominen attacks or name calling.
Having had no more nor no less fertility than I could handle, I always thought that discussions such as these amongst my girlfriends sounded like intra-Lilliputian squabbles over which end of an egg one should break before consuming it. But reading Fr. Ripperger after studying Catholic philosophy and theology convinced me that the near occasion of sin is something we definitely have to watch out for.
Take care and always pray before blogging
Virginia, every level is a pastoral level when one is a priest, so even if a priest is “great in person,” his words have a wide impact (for better or worse) in a homily or column, for example. I’m not nor have I ever attacked his person or his priesthood, nor have I stooped to ad hominem attacks or name calling, as I think you may be suggesting (and I don’t agree with every pro-NFP commenter here, btw). I do appreciate your exhortation to pray before blogging. I appreciate the encouragement, but I can’t help but think it might also be an underhanded or condescending encouragement.
I never said that we didn’t have to watch out for the near occasion of sin, and I’m sure that I would agree with much that Fr. Ripperger has to say. My problem is with preaching publicly an accusation of mortal sin, which nobody has addressed, particularly his fans. How do you feel about this particular comment? Did you listen to this homily?
Indubitably the most popular entry in this blog! Though I have to admit that I agree with everything the priest said, the moderator/sysop deserves a lot of credit for tolerating such diversity of opinion (even the most uninformed). We gave up NFP after the first four years because it seemed silly and unnecessary. Watch the YouTube ads on the front page here: they sound like the were done by Madison Avenue interns (“Natural Family Planning is… Natural Family Planning is….chorus…”) They seem more concerned with coining a new cliche or jingle than following where the truth leads them.
It wasn’t until I read Fr. Ripperger that I considered the possibility of sin. Nevertheless, I appreciate the dedication of the NFPers. They’re TRYING to advance what they think is right in a hostile culture and will do more to convince others of their point of view than I would. It isn’t morally sinfully unless the third condition is met, usually “sufficient reflection.”
Fr. Ripperger no longer holds down 2 teaching assignments nor works in psychology.
I can’t fathom a reason for NOT contacting him. If he’s right, so much of this movement (including what I used to teach) is in vain.
Prayerfully,
Frank
Thank you for posting this discussion and the links to the audio. I had come to many of the same conclusions but couldn’t say them half as eloquently.
The real wake up call for us came when we had to admit to our small brood of young adult children that we had used NFP for a long time and didn’t have a “grave” reason. It was the most awkward moment of my life as well as my husband who went back to drinking for three months.
I would suggest any young couple think about when this day comes what they would say. And it will because you don’t want them to think you contracepted.
It wasn’t until we told our children that it was WE who lacked maturity and we didn’t want more children for selfish reasons that our children stopped giving us the cold shoulder. It was the longest week of my life. Five years have passed and they’ve been very forgiving of us but don’t seem to have any interest in marriage themselves.
I agree that postponing is often taken too lightly, Norma, which I have certainly made clear throughout the post and these dozens of comments. My question for you, Norma, is whether you think it’s appropriate to accuse Diocesan Program Coordinators in who very faithfully fight the good fight and run good programs, of being out of God’s grace in a state of mortal sin? THAT’s my entire point, which no fan of Fr. R or the quiverfull movement has addressed yet.
Recent commenters have suggested that I should get in touch with Fr. R so that he could clarify the meaning of this hyperbolic and calumnous statement. While that is a valid suggestion, I think this could also be a prideful way of saying, “We don’t agree with that particular accusation, but we don’t want to say that. Instead we’ll suggest a third option that lets us feel like we’re putting the NFP Blogger in her place.”
I’d rather see my wife take up smoking than put herself on the pill. We’ve used NFP probably longer than anyone on this blog (I just don’t want to give away our age
)
I’m sure arguments could be made either way as to whether we were justified. Were we to do it again, we’d do it less.
But I’m fairly sure of what Fr. R says about Diocesan Program Coordinators and Mortal Sin. First of all he didn’t say they were in Mortal Sin. No priest would, I politely ask that you LISTEN.
He spoke about something being Materially Sinful. For the individuals to be in a state of mortal sin recall what your Baltimore Catechism said was necessary.
1) Serious Matter – YES
2) Sufficient Reflection- Doubtful given the reasoning I’ve read here.
3) Full Consent of the Will- Who knows?
If one of those isn’t met, you don’t have Mortal Sin
We can not judge the souls of others. Heck, we can’t even judge our own.
I’ve heard Fr. R before and he’s not given to hyperbole nor calumny. In fact, if you’re not trained theologically he can sound dull. But he is a first rate moral theologian and capable of explaining the most complicated concepts to just about anyone. Saying the critics are merely trying to but a blogger in her place is a cop out.
I have a feeling you have much to offer. God Bless and do not be afraid to follow the Truth where it leads you.
RC
I will listen again, Reuben. If he said materially sinful rather than mortally sinful, I would still disagree (for other reasons which I’ve stated–a biological diagram is not objectively scandalous, particularly when you consider who’s going through our marriage prep programs), but it would be less serious of an accusation on his part.
I’m sure that you saw that I was an NFP blogger with some youth and an edge, and felt that perhaps my theological formation was not up to snuff, but I *am* aware what material cooperation is about, and what is a determinant for mortal sin, and the subjectivity and sinfulness of judgment.
Sorry that you feel my responses have been a cop out. I disagree, but I am grateful for your witness, and your encouragement. I am trying my best to follow the Truth, which has gratefully placed me in the beauty and grace of the Sacraments of the Universal Church, with a blessed formation and great opportunities and experiences. Thanks for visiting!
Norm:
thanks for your comments. They brought a tear to my eye because I went through the same thing here.
Nancy was spared the embarrassment because she passed on a few years prior. It was the only time I felt
she had been spared suffering.
But this too came be overcome with prayer. At least we didn’t use the Pill EVER!
Thanks for showing all sides of this important issue, contraceptives deserve stronger warning labels than cigarettes.
My son and daughter-in-law were big time NFP types although neither came from families like that. Now, they act surprised when their two children express no interest in marriage. I think I’ll discretely forward this blog to them.
I too once struggled with a moral issue and tried to take comfort through the cafeteria of Compuserve message boards rather than seek out competent moral theologians like Fr. Ripperger. Now, I keep an open mind and don’t fear where the truth leads me.
God Bless Our Church and keep it true to Christ.
A clarification from Rome is not out of the question at some time in the future. But for the time being, the critics must acknowlege that the “horse has left the barn” and the gulf between what the Church authoratatively teaches vs. the “NFP Cult” is far narrower than what blogs like this propose and society at large accepts as the norm.
I think the teaching is pretty clear, but any clarification from Rome wouldn’t hurt either. Timothy, I have to say I’m a little confused by the rest of your comment. Are you proposing that I’m a huge critic of NFP? I thought by blog entry was rather balanced, admitting that NFP can be abused, but also criticizing those who are too reactionary and scrupulous about NFP. What do you mean by “blogs like this”? I think I might actually agree with you, but by the critical tone of your comment, I’m not sure.
Joe, so you think that your grandchildren are not interested in marriage because your son and daughter-in-law used NFP? I supposed you may be suggesting that they used it to postpone pregnancy with a contraceptive mentality? I don’t know your kids, but I daresay there just *may* be other factors to your grandchildrens’ attitudes. Or, you could be right and they could be trying to legitimize selfishness through NFP. You know your kids better than I do, but either way, neither of us can judge, though fraternal correction is never out of order.
Glad you’ve found your answers in person, Joe. The internet can be a wonderful instrument, but it’s not the first or only source of truthful help. Keep the faith. Prayers for your family.
I can definitely empathize with some of the sad remarks here. As the youngest member of an NFP family, family reunions in the eighties we just a wee bit awkward when all my cousins came from the stereotypical RC clan
“sad remarks”
Kitty, which remarks, and why do you think they’re sad?
“family reunions in the eighties..”
Do you mean 80 people attending, or that your family reunions were in the 1980′s, or that many older people were there? If it’s the first one, I’m not sure why having a lot of people at a reunion is awkward. What do you consider a “stereotypical RC clan”?
I was, and still am to a degree, a huge fan of Dr. Smith. My wife is able to quote from the Contraception-Why Not? CD like a kid with their favorite cartoon. She even does a great impersonation right down to Dr. Smith’s “height?…height?”
mentioned earlier.
I’ve really enjoyed how she describes the life of most marriages where contraception is used:
1. contracept before married
2. contracept after married
3. pause, have a kid
4. resume contracepting
5. pause, have a 2nd kid
6. get sterilized
7. have an affair
8. get divorced
I’m sure most readers of this blog know someone who went through that progression! But, although Dr. Smith is a professor of Thomistic philosophy, she seems to stick to anecdotes and uses very little logic in her arguments which are seldom arguments anyway. More like hitting the play button and sitting back.
Over time, we’ve moved closer to the position of Fr. Ripperger although critics might say it’s only because we’re now too old for it to make any difference. I don’t have a comeback because we were NFP instructors and every one of our four children were planned.
Welcome to the blog, Michael. I’m glad you agree that Dr. Smith is a huge asset in the evangelization of our undercatechized Catholic families. I appreciate that your opinion lies closer to Fr. Ripperger, though I don’t agree with all of his pastoral opinions. He’s right that NFP can be used selfishly and can be abused, which is why a renewal of our marriage prep programs is needed. Still, in its essence, it’s worlds away from contraception.
Thanks for the welcome; and your acknowledgement that NFP can be selfishly abused is refreshing. I hear that nowhere else in the mainstream Catholic media.
Great site. I appreciate seeing different views aired respectfully. That was never the case when I worked with the CCL in Cincie. However, while my views may now be more in line with those of the priest, I think if every contracepting suburban couple switched to NFP, it would be a huge improvement over what we presently have—no matter what their reason(s) for doing so.
Welcome, Adam! Glad you like the blog–it’s been a work in progress for years, and I think I might be getting the hang of it. I’m glad that you understand NFP, while not the silver bullet for marriage, is *not* the enemy, and is a vast improvement over our current cultural state.
I may not agree with every criticism here, but I appreciate the host’s openness. As someone who taught NFP for years and has one kid because of it (recently ordained-yippee praise the Lord!) I’ve come to the conclusion that NFP is rarely used for anything but selfish reasons.
But, the tide is turning and hearts are changing. A priest recently reviewed Jason Evert’s book and gave it an endorsement with the caveat that the section on NFP be ignored and the advice and guidance of a priest/confessor be sought.
Pray for all in this debate. Did anyone ever think Christopher Weest would take a sabadacal ?
We have on these pages the carrot & stick arguments that explain why four married friends quit teaching NFP. On the one hand, there’s the scholarly talk by Fr. Ripperger (admittedly not addressed to your typical suburban American parish). On the other hand are the excesses of people exemplified by Mssrs. West and Everet.
I pray to God that the result is not a turning toward contraception which is intrinsically evil.
This is the conversation theologians in the American Church need to be having but are avoiding. Strangely, the latin cultures don’t seem to be afraid to ask these questions. And when I gave talks a decade ago in the U.K., even those new to NFP had the perspicacity we see on this blog entry from the NFP critics.
Also, do not try to minimize the 6 month, self imposed, sabbatical of Mr. West. This is no small thing as he had a lot invested in this movement both in terms of finances and prestige. I, for one, will continue to pray for him and offer masses for an end to contraception and the objectification of women.
For more on NFP and TOB (even if it’s just to find balance) I recommend some of the works of the eminent pro-Life warrior Randy Engel.
If I may prescind for a moment from the more puerile mini-debates taking place on this thread, I’d like to ask a question that refocuses on the objectification of womyn.
Since men, theoretically, are ready any day; how are the feminine needs met through NFP?
I refused to use it when I was married.
Here is a valid case of situation ethics. What Fr. Riperger says is 100% correct for someone with his background and training.
BUT, a lay diocesan instructor CAN NOT be held to the same standards because, in many cases, the novelty of what they teach is the sole qualification for being invited in to the classroom in the first place.
Pray-pray-pray
~TC
It is refreshing and nice to see a frank discussion of this in the Mainstream Church. How sad the only honesty one hears is from those bend on destroying the Church.
http://www.mostholyfamilymonastery.com/Natural_Family_Planning.html
I think that Fr. Ripperger represents the Middle of the Road position on this.
Love,
Edith
(mom of seven and granny to 14 conceived through NFP)
I have witnessed, in the last few years, a softening of attitudes on the part of the NFPers because not too long ago, Fr. Ripperger’s comments would have been censored. But people are coming to see that he is speaking with the mind of the Church on this.
Can anyone imagine St. Gianna out there waiving the NFP flag and saying “limit your family this way.” To speak of NFP and sacrifice that way seems odd.
As I’ve said before and I’ll say again, even without the present scandals there are plenty of reasons not to take what the RC church says seriously or its priests. I broke free long ago and remain very happy and childless.
BTW, there are health reasons for choosing NFP even though some other methods are easier
Thank you SO much for hosting this discussion on your blog. I really appreciate the work you’re doing to turn people away from abortofacients but this side of the dialog needs to be heard as well. These are very confusing times so I’d be reluctant to speak with the force of the priest. Further, we are not allowed to judge people. That is for God alone.
My brother and I were in our teens when we were first exposed to NFP and it is not a pleasant memory. We were searching in vain for where the Christmas presents might be hidden one year when we came upon the books and paraphernalia. We never said a word about it for years and I cried myself to sleep for weeks. Suddenly all those silly conversations we had with adults when we were little made sense. “If you had another brother or sister- how could you go to Disney World? Babies make a lot of noise and someone has to get up and change them… We only have enough money to send two of you to school.”
Years would pass before we broached the topic with mom. She stood firm and said she didn’t want more kids but didn’t want to sin and the habits they learned gave them strength that served them well elsewhere.
My brother never married and he’s still bitter. I married but never practiced NFP. Sadly, we’ve never conceived either, which has brought sadness but not regrets. I don’t know how I’d bear the thought of God saying, “I gave you fertility but you insisted on keeping your own schedule.”