Part two of Michelle’s testimony of why they ditched contraception. This part includes more of their actual discovery of the Church teaching, the wonders of fertility, the horror of abortifacients, and the joy of desiring children.
What I think will resonate deeply with readers is the anger of never receiving this information, of being lied to by the medical community, and of never being invited to the beauty of the Church’s teaching–all too common of an experience.
I was angry because I found out that contraceptives had abortifacient properties. I was angry that those in the medical community had morphed the definition of the beginning of pregnancy to be when the embryo implanted, thereby negating the life that exists from conception. And I was angry that no one (save our priest during our pre-marriage counseling) had ever offered to us that NFP was a viable alternative. Our families, our friends, fellow Catholics…no one stepped forward and made us think about looking into Natural Family Planning. As a matter of fact…that anger still rises on occasion, because we do not have the support of some people close to us and we are looked down on…like we must simply not know any better…and we see disappointment in loved ones’ faces as we announce the pending arrival of another blessing.
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I was reading Micheles testimony and I had the strong urge to share ‘Our journey to NFP’. I sincerely hope it raises some thoughts and comments.
When we got married I would have described myself and my husband as an al a carte catholic when it came to the NFP rules. We both were reared as Catholics, but knew very little about NFP other then ‘contracecption was a sin and don’t use it’. We could not understand the reasoning behind that rule and did little to understand or explore why. It was a most beautiful wedding gift to get the CCL Family Foundation magazine subscribption. Little did we know at that time how influential it would become in our total embracing of NFP. We had completed a Catholic marriage course over a weekend, which had no mention of children or religion. We knew this was not right and were disappointed at the over all content of the weekend. Marriage was about having a family and we looked forward to having children at some time, after we got a chance to settle into married life. After our Catholic marriage a combination of knowing nobody who used NFP, lack of any real knowledge and a busy commuter professional lifestyles in the fast lane our contraceptive early marriage was the pattern. Subsequently God brought a new friend into my life, who now has four children and who spoke openly about using the billings ovulation method, I was intrigued. At that time my hubbie and I could not differentiate between the barrier method and NFP. Using times that one was infertile surely the same? Anyway, the green consciousness grabbed me as I thought of the plastic condoms laying in some landfill for millions of years and how the spermicide would or could be effecting our health or that of a child if we did conceive, which is possible with any method i.e. contraception. I had a strong feeling that this was a barrier against my faith and knowing that somehow it did not sit with my consciousness.
After achieving a natural birth in a birth centre and climbed mount Everest and back by breast feeding in a bottle feeding culture I had a new experience of the wonders of motherhood. I joined my local La Leche League group and somehow ended up reading a book titled ‘Natural Child Spacing’ by Sheila Kippley. It was astounding that my body produced such a perfect baby, I was able to birth this baby naturally and then breast feed. I thank God for the success of breast feeding as I think I would have stayed focused on my career but with every feed I grew into motherhood and love with our child. I never knew about not menstruating or ovulating while breast feeding. My menses did not return well past my daughters 1st birthday. Breast feeding despite the early challenges was a very rewarding and beautifully bonding experience. I breast fed until my daughter was 19 months old. In this frame of mind, with prayer and openness I learned the method from Naomi , the billings ovulation teachers in Ireland and I fully engaged with the knowledge. I felt so empowered as a woman to finally understand my God given fertility cycle and could leave artificial products out of our intimate lives. I am of the opinion that the medicalisation of fertility, birth and infant feeding was anti woman – oppressive and the beauty of fertility, natural birth and breast feeding has been long been eroded for women in the western world (long story on those thoughts).
I am so blessed with a husband, equally trying to live a faithful Catholic life. My husband was supportive and embraced the knowledge that I learned and then taught him. I was in total awe at how God created the woman with the knowledge of knowing when one was fertile and not. The contraceptive culture would have you believe that we are like ‘rabbits’ and could not possibly have any constraint and thus NFP has been long shelved by the instant, gotto have it now culture. To be honest, we had fun and enjoyed the abstinence time – honey moon period. Our relationship found a new romance. I was breastfeeding my baby at that time so we had desired and felt it Gods plan to space our next child. The language changed to ‘postponing’ from ‘contracepting’ and subtly our relationship began to deepen and our love grew. I now know with the hindsight of knowledge that being available 100% of the time was not as exciting, nor as enriching in a life long marriage. My husband compares the abstinence time like lent, the chocolate tastes so much nicer on Easter Sunday. There was a new appreciation for our special closeness.
During the time when I believed I was fertile it was fun cuddling and holding hands feeling close and bonding. As each month passed and I was not pregnant I marvelled at Gods creation. I realised that God created the female body so beautifully and to have conscious awareness of our fertility. I understood so well from my professional career working with deprived children’s how essential attentive parenthood was in giving our child our consistent attention in building attachment, which would subsequently give our child the skills to negotiate our complex world. After my ovulation cycles returned we talked about and had a conversation about when we would conceive, our longing grew and so with the 2nd month of being open to a conception we conceived. I would like to stress that if we did conceive before this we would love and embrace this pregnancy regardless and thank God for the gift of this life. NFP helped us immensely when we needed to have a prolonged period of abstinence during the third trimester of our pregnancy and it really did not feature as an issue in our marriage.
What I notice is that I feel absolute love from my husband as a whole human being and I know that this is God’s plan for women. My husband will admit, like so many men in our pornographic saturated culture that he was socialised from a young age on objectifying women – with daily tabloid papers being bought by his dad, those which have a topless model on page 3 and all the misogyny that goes with that. He knew there was another way and he is very respectful and appreciates women a million times more then when he was the chivalrous man before we married. That is because of NFP and being a wonderful birth partner twice, father of two girls. Our last birth six weeks ago was a home birth so he was a marvellous help and a rock through every surge. Anyway, when I reflect on NFP I think my husband’s love for me as a woman has grown too. It was as if he treated me like a precious gem back then but now it is as if I am a diamond. Not to say we don’t have our moments mainly due to tiredness being the norm with two little ones but NFP has brought us a togetherness that is part of God’s plan. So from an interest in the environment has brought me and my husband a deeper understanding of the Catholic Church teaching and the theology of the body.
What annoys me most is that feminists have pervasively taught women of my generation that having children is a rock around your neck but the reality of the experience is that being a mother has been the most personally enriching endeavours of my life and realise the beautiful gift of fertility. Motherhood has surpassed my ambitious academic and professional career and other goals achieved. Even when you have been up 3 times that night, feeding the smile of a newborn looking up at you in the dawn of the morning is a touch of the Lord that lights up my heart, or seeing your child reach all their milestones, or your two year old spontaneously say ‘I love you so much Mummy’. It’s great to be in a relationship where by the fullnesss of my whole femininity is respected. When you read the risks attached to the contraceptive pill and how it literally works by tricking ones body into the pseudo 1st trimester of a pregnancy, bottoms out ones B store vitamins and suppresses ones sexual desire how could this be ‘pro woman’ and what about all the possible conceptions that have been lost? Women are not given informed consent and not told of the alternative that works with their health, their relationships, the environment and above all God’s plan for true femininity.
What I notice is that when I glowingly talk about NFP to my friends who are not religious or who are but not using NFP is that women have a real fear about refusing their husband and feel the need to be available to their husbands even if they need to ‘count the sheep’ to get through it. This is a shame that their marital embrace has become a chore like any other aspect of so called ‘drudgery life’. So for the women who don’t have a choice to use NFP because their husbands object it must be very difficult. It indicates that there is a lack of real freedom in their marriages where consent for intimacy is overshadowed by emotional subjugation. We are the stage where I am delighted with NFP and the knowledge that it totally sits with our consciousness. Unfortunately I would consider ourselves a small minority in what used to be Catholic Ireland.
Kind regards,
Carol
Thanks for sharing your journey again, Carol. You have enough here to start your own blog. You should do it!
Hi michelle, You can delete it cause I know I am talking too much about it all. I am so happy about NFP and that you have this blog. Good going. Keep up the good work. Your mighty as we say over here. God bless.
Carol
Michelle is the woman on the other blog with the testimony. I’m Jessica, the author of NFPworks. I was just pulling your leg a little about the length–don’t worry. It’s a great testimony–keep it up, and continue sharing…
Thanks hon. Jessica you must have great energy as your blog is so well put together. Do you have children? I would love to hear your story? Perhaps it is here somewhere. Mind yourself and I hope that the weather is not too wintery over there. Love Carol
No children, yet, Carol. I’m sure plenty of my commenters on the previous post (“Priest accuses…”) would judge us for for that, but they have no idea of my situation, which happens to be one of sub-fertility. We’re one of the many who will use NFP to achieve a pregnancy. No, I’ve not written my story here. Some of the comments get pretty fiery, so I choose to leave most of my personal details for personal conversation or other fora.
Hi Jessica, your right about that. It is some row that emerged on one of the other threads. Anyway, its still very interesting. An Irish expert called Dr. Phil Boyle in the Galway clinic uses NFP to help couples achieve a pregnancy – Napro is the system he has developed with colleagues. He is a well known pro-life and opponent of IVF. For any Irish or UK couple he very well recommended. Prayers are with you and your husband for a child. God bless and may you receive many blessings from all your NFP promotion.
Love Carol
I’ve heard of the good things Dr. Boyle is doing in Ireland. Thankfully we have a NaPro doctor where I live. Now all I need to do is get a job, insurance and a paycheck to begin the process!
Hi Jessica,
Good look at getting the job. I am sure the right one is out there for you. By the way I know a mum who is a NaPro trained advisor and does consultations in her own home for a fee. I thought it was a good way of earning some regular income. You have a great passion for NFP.
You know we are heart broken in Ireland with the Murphy report released this week. Read full report on line. We have had three major reports of child abuse in the Catholic church in the last 5 years. So many people leaving the church. We have major reform to make in regards to protecting our children in a churth which partians to ‘love one another like I have loved you’. I sincerely believe the attidude of ‘leaving all in Gods hands’ has lead to this abuse. It seems so prolific and its ignoring of these evil men and their actions lead to the pervasive abusie of thousands of children and preventing them and challenging them beyond anything their Maker ever expeceted them to carry in their hearts and memories. It was barbaric and what is clear is that the devil has been very active in our Church. I pray that action can take us out of the darkness. Pray for us catholics who try to still live by our faith and separate the sacraments from the satanic people who where housed in the very centre and heart of the church. Shocking. Thankfully things and structures seem to be changing.
Warmest wishes.
Carol
I just found this blog and am so thankful. I’m hoping it will provide an outlet, but more importantly, a network of people who understand what I’m going through. Does anyone here use the Creighton Method? I have continuous mucus, and as if that wasn’t enough problems, now I’m having trouble checking before urination–I almost never am able to check before urination anymore, because I have such urgency and have to urinate before I’m able to check. Also, I haven’t told hardly anyone about the fact that I’m using NFP, because I feel like they’ll think its gross that I’m observing vaginal mucus in their bathrooms when I go to their houses. I take 10 minutes in the bathroom everytime. I dread going to the bathroom and I think the people at work are talking behind my back about my lengthy bathroom trips. I don’t know what to do on these issues. Does anyone have any advice? I don’t like to go to other people’s houses anymore, because I’m afraid I will overflow the toilet with all the toilet paper used for checking mucus, or (the alternative) that they will hear me flushing the toilet multiple times and wonder why I’m taking so long and flushing soooo many times. Please help. I am frustrated with this, and its taken over my life. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and I’m just used to not having sex and don’t really care anymore about having sex. My husband is not a strong Catholic, and he disagrees with my choice, but is nice about it, but still, its hard on him.
Hi Hope,
NFP was never meant to promote this anxiety – that is, preventing you from goin to friends houses, flushing toilets, spending 10 minutes in there and being so worried. The fruits of this, as far as I could see could not be healthy in your new marriage. I would advice you to go to a ccl teaching couple or find a billings ovulation method teacher. I use the billings method but I am not anxious about getting it wrong as I am open to life any way. The Doctor who spoke at a recent conference explained, a woman by closing her eyes knows the difference in the sensation o touching a silk scarf as opposed to any other material. Hence, a woman will feel the fertile sign of the ‘silppery wet’ sensation as she goes about her day. One can have a feeling of mucous or sticky feeling all the time – this is called your basic infertile pattern but once the sensaton becomes the slippery wet sensation one is fertile, once you return to feeling your basic infertile pattern one must count 3 days then can use on the 4th day as in the infertile time again. The lastday of your slippery wet sensation is called your peak day. You just draw a diagram or if you have access to chart and stickers use them. The billings method requires no testing, probing or manually checking the cervix which is easily damaged as the muscle is supposed to be very very delicate. I hope that this is some help and I only attemptto give you a simple explaination of the method. You must talk to someone, perhaps an nfp doctor. Dont keep your method of family planing a secret from friends, be open and happy with your choices in this way you will get support. God bless you and your husband.
Regards,
Carol
Aside from this enjoy your married life and relax.