USCCB's NFP Awareness Poster 2010

[Update: as was pointed out in the comments section, NFP Awareness Week this year has changed to begin July 25th, rather than culminate on the anniversary of Humanae Vitae's release. Take note! You have time!!!]

No pun intended on the title!

How did your NFP Awareness Week begin this weekend? Did your parishes get something going? Posters? Bulletin articles? What’s happening in your area? Or perhaps, what’s not happening in your area?

I had a panic attack last weekend when I realized NFP Awareness Week was coming up and I knew it was completely off my pastor’s radar. To make things more difficult, he’d just left for a trip abroad, so the possibility of getting approval for my ideas was slim. Uggh. I still shot off an email with a bullet point list of ideas. The day after I sent it, I was inundated at work, and never got/ made the time to do any of my things. There’s still time for some of them, I suppose, but Sunday is really the launching point for the week. Here’s my list of things I wanted to do/ advocate:

• Order or print out a couple NFP  Awareness Week Posters–theme this year: “Trust: God has a plan for your marriage”
• Have Prayers of the Faithful taken from the USCCB’s suggested prayers for this week
• A mention in the homily about trusting God and how this relates to our family choices and openness to children
• Have some catchy brochures available in the vestibule–I can just print ones posted online
• Include a bulletin insert (such as the one here) in the bulletin
• Have a bulletin article telling people that I can help answer questions about NFP and family planning.

On a positive note, I was happy to find out that we have four NFP Instructors in the Diocese of Cheyenne (the entire state), when I wasn’t expecting to have more than one or two. One of them is even a Creighton Model Practitioner! So if you’re in Wyoming and looking for an NFP Instructor, shoot me an email!

There's no easy button for NFP, which is why it's so great.

Many couples find themselves between a rock and a hard place, namely, between the Rock & NFP. They (particularly Christians) choose NFP for any combination of reasons, including moral, practical, relational and medical. Some NFPers are well formed in their faith and gung-ho from the beginning, but some are skeptical and need a little encouragement.

In the latter scenario, you may hear the following pitches by NFP instructors, marriage preparation coordinators, friends or pastoral associates:

It’s just as effective as contraception!

It’s marriage insurance: NFP users almost never get divorced.

NFP is really simple.

It’ll bring you two together like nothing else.

NFP is totally legit.

Now before your trigger finger hits the combox, hear me out. What’s wrong with introducing NFP with the following statements? I say, a lot. There’s nothing patently false about the above statements. In fact, they’re true. However, these statements should come within the context of a well-formed and universal perspective on marriage, sexuality and NFP. Otherwise, you’re presenting NFP as a marital panacea (just like contraception is presented as a panacea) without exception, and this doesn’t do anyone a favor, to say the least.

It reinforces our culture of convenience and the quick ‘n easy approach to life, which in the end is no short cut at all. See my qualified versions of these statements:

It’s just as effective as contraception! (Not the full truth. This presents NFP as just “Catholic Contraception.” Though the end can be the same–97-99% effectiveness at postponing pregnancy, it’s fundamentally different. Further, NFP can also be used to achieve pregnancy for those wanting to get pregnancy, as well as identify health issues and causes of infertility.)

It’s marriage insurance: NFP users almost never get divorced. (I don’t doubt the logic behind this–I’ve seen it in action. However, I’ve done the research, and the studies that quote NFP user divorce rates at around 2% are not methodologically airtight. I think the hypothesis is correct, but better studies need to be conducted. Further, this is usually stated in such a matter-of-fact way as to sound like NFP=perfect, happy marriage. It’s not just about the method; it’s about the whole marital package, which may include NFP.)

NFP is really simple. (NFP isn’t rocket science, but it’s not as easy as swallowing a pill or getting a periodic shot. I think NFP’s selling point is precisely that it requires effort. The things worth learning require effort. What makes NFP work for couples is that it requires knowledge, effort, responsibility and self control. If you can’t listen, chart, record, be responsible, communicate and control yourself, think twice about marriage because it requires all those virtues. NFP stands for “Not For the Pusillanimous.“ But that’s it’s strength.)

It’ll bring you two together like nothing else. (No barriers, natural sex and shared responsibility tend to bring people together, but if you have unhealthy communication, unequal commitment to NFP or relationship issues to begin with, NFP will not solve those issues for you. You have to work at those, and once you’re both committed and can communicate in a healthy, selfless way about it, it will totally bless your relationship.)

NFP is totally legit. (Yup, sure is. However, for Catholics, you can’t just use it to postpone pregnancy at will because you feel like it for selfish, non-serious reasons. The fourth marriage vow says that you will be open to children. While this doesn’t mean you have to have as many children as physically possible, it does mean you understand that sex is awesome, uniting and bonding, but that sex also means babies. The Church leaves it up to the couple’s discretion to discern what is a just, serious or grave reason, but what gets me is that this part of the equation is usually left out. If it does get a mention, it’s in passing, with no guidelines on how to discern this.)

Bottom line: proper formation in NFP classes is so key, which means NFP Instructors need to have great formation, not only in the methodology, but in the theology and morality.

Another key aspect, which is much more lacking than proper formation, is support for couples after the class is over. Theoretically, approved NFP methods are supposed to have ample follow up. This is usually the case that charting follow ups happen, and follow ups (in person or over the phone) are very helpful in getting through the nuances of NFP charting and interpretation.

However, sometimes women have irregularities in the mucus or other biological signs of fertility, and the level of difficulty increases because it may mean (if they’re postponing pregnancy) that their days of abstinence are longer, therefore increasing the sacrifice and oftentimes stress in the relationship. This isn’t inherently a bad thing, as difficulties dealt with virtue bring many graces and bless a relationship. However, if a couple has been told “NFP is a snap,” “Days of abstinence are 3-5 days,” and “You’ll totally love it!” without much other formation, they will be understandably disappointed.

In Joshua B’s refreshingly honest post at Evangelical Catholicism, he says it straight out: NFP needs to be properly introduced and taught, and it shouldn’t be presented as a marital cure-all.  I TOTALLY AGREE!!! Joshua goes on to talk about the need for the couple to be open with their teachers, even with the emotional/ sexual/ relational side of things. However, it’s not always the case that the conversation goes in this direction, or that couples are comfortable discussing their questions about X-Y-Z with Mr. & Mrs. NFP Teacher. This explains the huge prevalence of NFP Message boards, the e-equivalent of the sewing circle, which are usually gender segregated (on purpose or by nature). Somehow it’s more comfortable to discuss foreplay, sexual frustration, questions about what’s illicit/ unchaste sexually in the “safety” of online friendships than a face to face convo with your teacher, whom you hardly know and face judgement from.

The last thing I want to mention, which Joshua B. brings up in his second post on “Troubles with NFP”, is that sometimes couples have difficulty with a method, which can happen for a number of reasons. It may be a difficulty with recording temperatures, keeping up with the mucus classifications, an intuitive difficulty, or a health issue that their particular method isn’t helping them with. This is where NFP Instructors need to be trained well enough, and be familiar with other methods, so that they can openly and happily refer a couple to another method or another Instructor. Thankfully, this does happen, and couples find the right fit, not giving up on NFP.

However, as I lament here in point #3, many NFP Instructors become such fans of their method and their own NFP community to the detriment of the wider NFP community. They forget NFP Instructors for other methods are their friends and colleagues sometimes, even going so far as to misquote other methods’ statistics (perhaps just through lack of knowledge) and act as if their own method is THE method for everyone. It’s awesome to be a die-hard promoter of your method, but to act as if your method has absolutely the answer for every couple and every temperament is naive at best, and leads to a prideful, self-centered manner that, in the end, is fruitful for nobody. So we really need to encourage inter-method dialogue and learning so that we can understand eachothers’ methods, the data on other methods, and even learn about the beauty of other methods and what sets them apart.

Hopefully I don’t sound like a total Debbie Downer, but I want to bring a little self-examination to NFP groupies (of which I’m one) who sometimes get a little over-enthusiastic in our cheer-leading. After this somber editorial, what are some positive things we can do:

• Sit in on your instructors’ classes (for NFP Coordinators/ Supervisors): If distance doesn’t prevent you, be a regular observer in classes.  I would  have never known of some of the formation issues at hand if I hadn’t sat in on classes. Your instructors shouldn’t fear your presence as if your sole job is being Big Sister, but it is part of your work to check the quality and accuracy of instruction, and affirm instructors who are doing a great job.
• Hold formation classes or informal meetings for NFP Instructors (for NFP Coordinators/ Supervisors): One way to correct mistakes or preemptively get at problem areas is to offer formation classes periodically. Make it interesting and fun, and offer babysitting if you can for parents. This way you can encourage dialogue between the methods, have Q&A, and find out yourselves how instructors are handling the difficult issues. Topics to cover: The dos & dont’s about speaking on NFP, how to promote a class, reaching out to the cohabiting couple, difficult cases, Theology of the Body review, and prayerful discernment of just and serious reasons.
• Start a Family Support Group: It’s not just about NFP, but that will certainly be part of this. You can do this virtually for free with volunteers and some intra-parish promotion, or you can hire Alexander House (or a similar family aposotolate) who offers a Covenant of Love Program to help you coordinate this.
• Pray for your couples: We shouldn’t just pray for people to discover NFP and give up contraception. We need to continually offer our apostolate (whether it’s giving talks, NFP instruction or promotion) in prayer, and to pray for those will will be, are, or have been under our care.
• Reach out: Make sure your couples know that they can reach you, personally but also by phone/ email. Also, get to know them as much as you can. In your one-one-one time or follow ups, ask them about themselves (obviously within reason) and get to know them. They can’t ask you the difficult questions if they don’t know you or trust you.
• Be refreshingly honest: If you’ve had a struggle with NFP that turned out well, share it! An honest story about a real struggle is worth so much. It makes us human, and lends credibility when counseling couples.

What other suggestions do you have?

For all those in the Midwest, this looks like a great array of speakers. Check it out!

Diocesean Marriage & Family Conference

Notre Dame Conference Center • Saturday, March 20, 2010

Conference Description

It’s easy to lose sight of the “big picture” in the day-to-day business of raising a family and making a marriage work. This inaugural diocesan conference aims to deepen the understanding of marriage and family life as a vocation from God and encourage an appreciation of its many dimensions. Through a combination of plenary sessions and workshops, this conference will explore the Church’s rich vision of marriage and family life as it relates to topics such as the theology of the body, communication and intimacy, financial stewardship, responsible parenthood, dealing with infertility, and raising teens. A series of workshops also will be presented in Spanish. This conference is for adults of all ages and circumstances; married couples, couples preparing for marriage, single parents, college students, clergy, pastoral ministers and anyone else interested in enriching their understanding of the vocation of marriage and family life.

Schedule

9:00 AM Registration and Continental Breakfast

10:00 AM Welcome Fred & Lisa Everett

Plenary Session One: The Vocation of Marriage Bishop Kevin C. Rhoades

10:50 AM Break

11:15 AM Workshop Session One

• Introduction to the Theology of the Body Lisa Marino
• Dealing with Infertility in Marriage Dave & Suzy Younger
• Marriage & Finances: Setting a Solid Foundation Harry Verhiley
• Parenting Teenagers in the Virtues Cindy Black
• La Vocación al Matrimonio

12:05 PM Lunch

12:55 PM Plenary Session Two: Life-Giving Love Prof. Janet E. Smith

2:00 PM Break

2:25 PM Workshop Session Two

• Building a Culture of Life through the Theology of the Body Tom & Mary Akre
• NaProTechnology: New Hope for Couples with Infertility Brad Ferrari, MD & Mary Ramsey, PA
• Communication & Intimacy in Marriage Lisa Everett
• Challenges in the First Years of Marriage John & Monica Sikorski
• La Teología del Cuerpo Margarita Rodriguez

3:15 PM Break

3:40 PM Workshop Session Three

• Theology of the Body: What the Pope Couldn’t Say Fr. Bob Lengerich
• Spiritual Parenthood Bill & Elizabeth Kirk
• Communication & Intimacy in Marriage Lisa Everett
• Pearls of Wisdom: What 46 Years of Marriage Have Taught Us Dan & Annette Stobierski
• Comunicación en el Matrimonio Fred Everett

4:30 PM Day Conference Concludes

5:00 PM Mass at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart Bishop John M. D’Arcy

6:15 PM Social with cash bar opens

7:00 PM Banquet & Talk by Prof. Smith: Seeking Holiness in Marriage & Family Life

Registration

You may register online here or by mail or FAX. The registration fee of $35 per person for the day conference includes conference materials, continental breakfast, a boxed lunch and afternoon snacks. The evening banquet is an additional $25 per person. Please indicate your workshop preferences in order to assist in guaranteeing proper room space. College or graduate students are welcome to attend any of the plenary or workshop sessions at no cost.

About the Main Speakers

Bishop Kevin C. Rhoades was appointed the Ninth Bishop of the Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend on November 14, 2009, by Pope Benedict XVI, and installed on January 13, 2010, in the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Fort Wayne. Bishop Rhoades serves as Chair of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) Task Force on Health Care, and is the Chair-elect of the Committee on Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth. He is a member of the USCCB Subcommittee on the Catechism, the Board of Trustees of the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, the Board of Trustees of Mount Saint Mary’ s University, and the Episcopal Advisory Board of the Theology of the Body Institute.

Prof. Janet E. Smith holds the Father Michael J. McGivney Chair of Life Ethics at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit.  She is the author ofHumanae Vitae: A Generation Later and editor of Why Humanae Vitae Was Right: A Reader. She has two new books; Life Issues, Medical Choices, Questions and Answers for Catholics and The Right to Privacy. She speaks internationally on the Catholic teachings on sexuality and bioethics. She is serving a second term as a consultor to the Pontifical Council on the Family. Over a million copies of her talk, Contraception: Why Not have been distributed on tape or CD.

What I think will resonate deeply with readers is the anger of never receiving this information, of being lied to by the medical community, and of never being invited to the beauty of the Church’s teaching–all too common of an experience.

I was angry because I found out that contraceptives had abortifacient properties.  I was angry that those in the medical community had morphed the definition of the beginning of pregnancy to be when the embryo implanted, thereby negating the life that exists from conception.  And I was angry that no one (save our priest during our pre-marriage counseling) had ever offered to us that NFP was a viable alternative.  Our families, our friends, fellow Catholics…no one stepped forward and made us think about looking into Natural Family Planning.  As a matter of fact…that anger still rises on occasion, because we do not have the support of some people close to us and we are looked down on…like we must simply not know any better…and we see disappointment in loved ones’ faces as we announce the pending arrival of another blessing.

Just found this testimony of a mother of four who is a fan of Natural Family Planning, which she learned with her husband in 2002. She published part one, “Why Do I Use Natural Family Planning” on her blog. I think it could more aptly be called “How I kicked the Pill and embraced the Church,” as we haven’t heard in-depth yet how she discovers NFP specifically, and why she chose to use NFP upon her reversion. Looking forward to part two.

Natural Family Planning Promo Video
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIrQwjCUbf0]

While the production of this video could stand for a little improvement (smoother editing, different transitions, etc.), I’m impressed overall. I’ve yet to connect with the Diocese of Phoenix about their video, but my guess is that this was done entirely by volunteers or at least on a limited budget. With that in mind, it was really great. The music was great as well, getting your attention right from the beginning.

The couples and speakers on NFP were all authentic, relatable, young but still varying in age, and well-spoken. I give it a strong 7.5 out of 10–awesome video with room for improvement. Keep it up, Phoenix! I really hope more dioceses ramp up their use of audio and video on their web sites and the web in general.

About the DVD:
Title: “Plan Your Family…Naturally”
Director/ Producer: John Romanowsky
Sponsored by: Diocese of Rockville, NY in association with Order of Malta
Running Time: 22 minutes

Synopsis: The title is pretty much self explanatory, but what approach does John Romanowsky take to explain natural methods of family planning? Shot in a basic documentary interview format,  Drs. Jennifer and Matthew DeMarco are joined by Chris and Dan Volpe and Damon and Melanie Owens, married couples who share their own experience of discovering, learning, and living NFP. These couples give a heartfelt, real-life witness to its effectiveness, challenges, and many benefits-practical, relational, and spiritual-as they cooperate with God’s natural plan for married sexuality.

Strengths: I agree with the promotional web site’s description. This video is contemporary and engaging. As I lament in another entry on marketing NFP, quality contemporary NFP marketing materials are few and far between, for many reasons (lack of connections, know-how, but usually lack of funds and initiative). While there are a few visual and artistic weaknesses, the production value (including often looked-over hair, lighting, and makeup) is quite good, and much higher than the usual efforts. The couples were well spoken, sincere, joyful and told their stories in an honest an engaging way. The DeMarco’s being the core narrators of the DVD were a real asset, not only for their medical credentials, but their friendly and intelligent presence. Not to be sexist, but I’ve found having a female medical professional who is well spoken is a tremendous asset to marketing NFP. Having an engaging male medical professional is certainly a plus, but having a woman doctor just gives that extra boost of confidence to females, who are oftentimes the one first looking into NFP and/or making the initial decision to take a class. (Having said that, I also think it’s important to market more materials specifically towards men, as they usually have a different visual vocabulary.) The DVD’s “Resources” section was a good idea, and the medical illustrations were top notch–very well done and comprehensive without appearing overly complicated.

Weaknesses: Having the opening shot be an atomic microscopic photo of sperm swimming definitely reiterates the the theme of life, but may be a little bit of a shock to those bringing rhythm-method, 17 sibling stereotype baggage to their first viewing of the DVD. A better opening shot might have been something less biological and something more relational/ emotional. Conversely, the description on web site described NFP in a typical “NFP is as effective as the pill for postponing pregnancy” phraseology without referencing the use of NFP to achieve pregnancy or treat women’s wellness issues. This is one of the major downfalls of current NFP marketing materials, and leads to misunderstanding of NFP from both pro-contraceptive people as well as the Providentialists and Quiverfull camp. While the DVD certainly is very contemporary, it would have been helpful to have a young adult couple share their thoughts, doubts and joys about NFP. It was very good to have older, more established couples share their wisdom and experience, but most of the people going through marriage preparations programs and pre-Cana are young adults. Young adults appreciate the witness of older married couples, but hearing the testimony of other young adult couples makes the reality more concrete and relatable. Along those same lines, more resources, especially Internet resources and web sites could have been added, like “NFP on Facebook” or One More Soul or NFP Blogs (shameless self-plug).  Also, Damon & Melanie Owens are rock stars of the marriage prep and NFP worlds, being a well known Theology of the Body speaker/co-founders of the New Jersey NFP association, and should have gotten some props for what they do, or at the very least a title bar under their initial interview with their titles. Lastly, I wish it was about 15-20 minutes longer, with a little background to NFP for health reasons.

Recommendations: Though this DVD has some weaknesses, it is by far one of the best NFP introductions out there. It should be used in marriage prep programs if there isn’t already a quality introduction talk/ course for NFP. People who should have at least one copy (if not several): Diocesan Evangelization Directors, Family Life Directors & NFP Coordinators, DREs, Adult Faith Formation Coordinators at larger parishes, every parish nurse, all high school youth ministers, and every seminarian, deacon and parish pastor.

Have we got things covered?Have you gotten a chance to view it? What did you think? To order, click link at the top of the page, btw.

I just got my Diocese of Richmond newsletter, “The NFP Messenger.” There’s a testimony by Pam Pilch, who tells how marital struggles and her mother’s bout with breast cancer was the impetus to get off the Pill and seek another family planning method. Eventually the “childfree by choice” lawyer found Natural Family Planning through the Couple to Couple League, discovered her fertility was a gift not a disease, and her and her husband became open to life. Today they are a thriving family of five.