After discovering Nicole’s My Endometriosis Story, I found more blogs about women and families suffering through infertility. Then I found more blogs by checking out their blogroll, then I found more. You get it: Infertility Blog hopscotch. After several click-read-click-read jumps, I discovered something that shouldn’t surprise me: there is a huge community of IF sufferers on the blogosphere, and many of them are FertilityCare users.

In a conversation with a friend, I mentioned my discovery, and she asked me to send her a list. Now, keep in mind there are SO many out there, so I’ve not included all I found, but rather included a short list of some of my favorites.

The Children I Cannot Hold–A Catholic Physician Reflects on Her Experience with Recurrent Miscarriage

All You Who Hope-A 30-something mom’s journey through infertility to adoption (they’re still working through her infertility, but a single birth mom need a family all of a sudden, and they adopted)

The Apostolate of Hannah’s Tears–Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend’s awesome blog reaching out to infertile couples

Sew Infertile-One passionately opinionated Catholic girl’s journey through miscarriage, infertility & foster-care (30 yo, still trying)

In all things, good–trusting God on the journey of (in)fertility

Waiting for Baby Blondie–A journey through infertility and Catholicism. A search for answers, hope and faith. “The Lord does not delay his promise, as some regard ‘delay,’ but he is patient with you, not wishing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9

This Cross I Embrace--A Journey through Infertility…Catholic style

What are some of your favorites?

Angie Baker, 33,  suffered eighteen miscarriages in thirteen years. Then came her little miracle, Raiya, born this past December.

This BBC article is sparing with details, and I want to know more of the story. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about it. I mean, my first reaction is, “Wow. That is amazing. What a miracle. She must be so happy.”

Then I think she must have suffered so much, physically, emotionally, and relationally. How did she cope, and what drove her to keep trying? I, with my husband, suffer the painful waiting game of infertility, but we have yet to conceive, and I’ve never miscarried, so I can’t put myself precisely in her place. Does she have a husband or partner to support her? Why isn’t he mentioned in the BBC’s story?

Further, how did she not hear of FertilityCare and NaProTechnology? I mean, thirteen years! Perhaps she tried charting and working with a Creighton Medical Consultant. After all, Creighton and NaPro bring much healing and happiness to women and families, particularly those hoping to conceive, but it’s not a silver bullet. Then again, perhaps she was not able to come up with the money since the England has socialized health care? But there are FertilityCare Practitioners and medical consultants in the UK and Ireland, and many, many people without immense financial means find a way to make it work.

In the end, she found a specialist, Dr. Hassan Shehata, who was able to diagnose and treat her condition, having an unusually high amount of Natural Killer Cells.

Interesting closing note: Her little girl’s name is Raiya, which is a form of Regina, a name for the Blessed Mother. Also, she was born on December 9, the feast of Old Testament Hannah, who suffered from infertility, and who’s prayer for a child was answered.

(H/T to Hannah’s Tears Apostolate blog for the article.)

Angie’s story elsewhere:

• Epsom & St. Helier Hospital Site
• UK’s Daily Mail
• Metro.co.uk Online Magazine

Listening to Janet Smith’s “Contraception: Why Not” is a pivotal moment for most people in their love and family journey from contraception to NFP. I’ve seen it in action, and I’ve heard the stories. One woman I know, on the Pill of 8 years for “medical reasons,” listened to it with her husband, and threw away her Pills that night! And now she, who was told she couldn’t have children, is a mom to an 11 month old miracle.

I sat next to Janet Smith at a conference dinner once, and I asked her how many Contraception: Why Not stories she’s heard. You wouldn’t believe it, she said. She hears them all the time, and they’re amazing.

One More Soul, a big NFP and family life promoter, is collecting stories of conversions/ post CWN conceptions. All stories and photos can be sent to Megan Morris at megan@onemoresoul.com.  Please submit by February 1st.

But more about Janet Smith…

Janet Smith is amazing, and people of all walks, though perhaps skeptical at first, become at the very least challenged and intrigued about this issue, and at the best, completely floored and changed from listening to this talk. If you’ve listened to CWN, of which their are two versions–the 1st edition (get your free copy here) and the revised, you probably know what I’m talking about. Janet Smith has mad gifts: super smart, well read, spiritually well formed, quick-talking, witty and compassionate.

What is it about CWN that gets people do you think? It’s been a while since I’ve listened to the first version, but I know I love to recommend the second version because it includes a lot of biological, sociological, anthropological and demographic research, particularly addressing environmental issues. There’s research in the first one for sure, but new stuff is added in the second talk. While she’s got a flair for presenting the research in a way that’s fast moving yet accessible, I think what balances that out and clinches it for the average listener is her humor and common sense. She has a way of turning the family planning status quo on it’s head, and making you laugh at it.

If you’ve not listened to it, it’s a must-have for your NFP-kit (forthcoming post on what one’s “NFP kit” includes). When I worked as Family Planning Coordinator in Madison, we ordered them by the several hundreds, and gave them out all the time (they’re cheaper in quantity, so if you know you’ll give them away, go in on some with friends for the cheaper price).

Have you seen the movie UP? It looked cute, and my Dad recommended it, so we thought we’d give it a go.

“Cute” is no longer an adequate word to describe this film for me because what could have been a schmaltzy animated film ended up being a dramatic commentary on life, love and fatherhood. Of course, it’s very funny in parts, and quite action-packed, but it for me was a sort of animated “Last Lecture,” complete with adventure, dreams, joy, loss, suffering and triumph. Thinking I’m reading too much into a computer cartoon movie?

Check out the above pictures, two separate  but back-to-back scenes in the first fifteen minutes of the film. The story of Ellie & Carl Frederickson begins with their meeting as children, both in love with fantastic adventures. They grow up, fall in love, marry, renovate their first home together, and do what married couples do: they decide to fill it with children. [Spoiler alert: don't read the rest if you don't want to know about the plot!] They begin the journey to parenthood, only to have it cut short. This part of the film is done very succinctly and tastefully, but the pictures communicated the cascade of feelings of what couples go through when they lose a child or can’t conceive. It was tremendously powerful for me watching this because my husband and I have been married for three years, and haven’t been able to conceive.  Though we know we have much hope, and look forward to starting the NaProtechnology process through the Creighton Model of FertilityCare, it’s still difficult.

I have so much sympathy for my friends and non-friends alike who go through this struggle, which often results in a successful pregnancy after years of suffering, or perhaps sometimes ends with disappointment and irreversible infertility. I think people forget the grief that can come with this struggle, especially if one has previously contracepted, aborted, or engaged in a lifestyle that has negatively impacted their fertility.

So my first thought and recommendation is to pray for those who are struggling with sub-fertility or infertility. They need your prayers, and they need your support. If someone you know suffers a miscarriage, still born, or sudden infant death, the best thing you can do is to suffer with them, and to listen. Bring dinner, help babysit or run errands for them, too, because pregnancy or child loss is overwhelming. Whatever you do, do NOT try to “help” by saying things like, “Oh you already have [number] children; it’s okay,” or “You’re still young,” or something ridiculous like that. According to my several friends who’ve miscarried, these types of comments are all too common, and completely ignore the fact that after conception, it’s a human person just like you and I, and there’s a similar grief as when an adult dies.

Also, don’t judge a person by the size of their family. Uggh. This seems to be common Christian sense, but it’s sadly ubiquitous among pious people to judgmentally implement this uncaring silent algorithm that “If they’ve been married X years, they only have X kids, she still works (etcetera), they must be contracepting.” AHHH! PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT OTHERS HAVE SUFFERED THROUGH. Yes, it’s true that many families have their requisite two children, and contracept or sterilize themselves through the rest of their marriage. We all make mistakes, and if you haven’t in this area, give thanks. However, you still shouldn’t judge, and you definitely should give people the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps we’ll even learn something that way.

Lastly, the movie which provided my introduction and reflection on infertility, is also a movie about taking chances, moving forward through suffering, and ultimately, about spiritual parenthood. It turns out you can still be a mother or father to someone without giving birth or even without adopting. Adoption is a beautiful and heroic thing, but if for whatever reason a couple can’t achieve it, they still are parents. This isn’t the desolate consolation for the infertile, but a great gift with which all people have been given: the gift of spiritual parenthood. In the end, the elder Carl Frederickson gives the gift of parenthood to little Russell, his accidental companion on the adventure that is UP.

So, next Mother’s Day or Father’s day, please remember couples without children, or who are struggling to have children. Wish them sincerely a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. This goes for childless pastors, priests and elderly as well. They are sexual beings with the gift of masculinity/ femininity and parenthood as well. And let us all give thanks for the gift of children in an age where the child is denigrated is so many ways.

Here’s a couple articles on the Gift of Infertility that I found very informative from a health perspective and a moral perspective:

• The Gift of Infertility (part 1)
• The Gift of Infertility (part 2)
• The Gift of Infertility (part 3)
• The Gift of Infertility (part 4)

Check out the trailer to this new film from Focus Features. It’s simply titled “Babies,” and the plot (evidently) is simply that it’s a documentary about four babies. The plot according to the web site is:

Everybody loves… BABIES. This visually stunning new movie simultaneously follows four babies around the world – from first breath to first steps. From Mongolia to Namibia to San Francisco to Tokyo, BABIES joyfully captures on film the earliest stages of the journey of humanity that are at once unique and universal to us all.

Watch it. It’s adorable. Focus Features has done some films I liked like Away We Go, Atonement, and Enternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but they’re not exactly the most family friendly pictures, or produced by a company run by NFP and birth advocates. So, cynical me is wondering…what’s the catch? What population control ridiculousness or birth control status quo are they going to try to work into the film? Time will tell. Release is early 2010.

H/T to American Papist.

Click here: Ju-Ju-Be has an awesome little weekly give away for moms.

Read especially the “legal disclosure.” My favorite–very funny.

Part two of Michelle’s testimony of why they ditched contraception. This part includes more of their actual discovery of the Church teaching, the wonders of fertility, the horror of abortifacients, and the joy of desiring children.

What I think will resonate deeply with readers is the anger of never receiving this information, of being lied to by the medical community, and of never being invited to the beauty of the Church’s teaching–all too common of an experience.

I was angry because I found out that contraceptives had abortifacient properties.  I was angry that those in the medical community had morphed the definition of the beginning of pregnancy to be when the embryo implanted, thereby negating the life that exists from conception.  And I was angry that no one (save our priest during our pre-marriage counseling) had ever offered to us that NFP was a viable alternative.  Our families, our friends, fellow Catholics…no one stepped forward and made us think about looking into Natural Family Planning.  As a matter of fact…that anger still rises on occasion, because we do not have the support of some people close to us and we are looked down on…like we must simply not know any better…and we see disappointment in loved ones’ faces as we announce the pending arrival of another blessing.

After seeing this clip of The View (which you may or may not like, depending on your politics–watch it anyway) featuring a very strong and family oriented Rachel Campos-Duffy, I decided to find out who this firebrand mother was. After finding out that we have some very strong worldview connections.

I started following her on Twitter, and found a link to this piece, “Whatever Happened to Large Catholic Families?” (Geocache that!)

Good stuff. Certainly not an analysis piece aiming to answer that question per se, but definitely a look at the current shallow fascination with large families, and testimony to the enduring value of large families. She should be the Population Research Institute’s spokesperson for their Overpopulation is a Myth Campaign (newly added to the blogroll)!

By the way, I think the answer to her article’s question is: the same place where Catholic spines and authentic Church teaching went, probably stored in the closet where the plasma TV boxes are in the garage where people’s three cars are parked.

Have you read John Senior?

A friend not too long ago recommended his book, “The Restoration of Christian Culture,” and told me a little about his life and times at Kansas University. Really, a heroic life. 

The precursor to the recommended book was a much more somber “The Death of Christian Culture.” Both books were actually a series of lectures given, and later published. Anyway, I ordered them both, and am reading Death right now. It’s intellectually satisfying, poetically written and frighteningly prophetic. I’ve been told the second one is much better. Since this one is brilliant, I can’t wait to read the next.

A little sample relevant to our themes of natural family planning, love, life and children:

It is no accident that decadence leads to the hatred of children…

Conversely, he affirms:

This is the economy of the private enterprise of love: it generates. Love is fecund. Love is not only a means to an end, like a road, but is a kind of propulsion. It is like walking up an escalator, or swimming with the current–to beget children, to love children, to encourage their growth, to ease their sufferings, and to suffer oneself with them, even to our death.

He’s elucidating the relationship between the decline of Christian culture and the denigration of children, using the case of a mother who was acquitted of murdering her week old child because she was special needs and did not want her. Yet the courtroom erupted in cheers when the verdict was announced.

He goes on to debunk Thomas Malthus, the disproved 19th century economist who predicted that England’s population would outrun its food sources by 1850. (How are we doing, England?)

 As I’ve said elsewhere, children are not the problem; they are the answer. People are not walking carbon footprints, but potential solutions to contemporary problems. 

Every time a child is born, not just a mouth to feed is born, but hands and brains. [ A quote in Senior's book from Josue de Castro, a founder and director of the United Nations Food and Agricultural Organization, and one of the five or six world-renowned men in the field of human population problems.]

I’m having problems with the Amazon link for some reason, so in order to get credit (please?Thanks) for the referral, go to this NFP Site, and follow the directions on the top right box. You’ll get some good recommendations for my fav NFP/ sexuality resources, and I’ll get a little credit! Thanks!

or…

Recommended Resources Here

Luther would love NFP

My entry header above is completely unoriginal. I’ve heard it in a couple places, and you know why it’s funny, charming and it sticks? Because it’s true.

In this article by LifeSiteNews via Catholic Exchange, the spreading phenomenon of Protestants turning towards NFP and away from the contraceptive culture is presented and examined:

“Taking a page from Catholic doctrine, Protestants are avoiding artificial contraception for religious reasons,” several Protestant couples are questioned on their choice to wade into what have traditionally been considered Catholic waters.”

The article goes on to describe the experience of a thirty something Protestant whose very mother left the Church over the issue of contraception, but has found herself ironically drawn to this very teaching.

It’s fascinating, isn’t it? Often times we come accross “converts” from contraception to NFP who are religious, but usually their choice is related to the ills of birth controlrather than the meaning of marriage and sexuality. Perhaps more Catholics could take a cue from their separated bretheren? Maybe this could even become a point of unity in ecumenical dialogues?

For more web sites for non-Catholic Christians,  see:

• Sweeter Than Honey (under construction, but a good site)
• Silent Voices (Pro-Life & NFP site)
• NFP International article on Protestant Reformers and contraception
• Protestant Minister Randy Alcorn, a foe of the Pill
• Orthodox NFP Association

Do you have any other favorite web sites for Non-Catholic Christians?