I found a sermon on infertility on an NFP forum, and decided to take a listen, though I knew it might not be as thorough in the morality department as I prefer. I really enjoyed it, with a big exception. My comments from the forum (no replies yet…huh): The pastor who gave the sermon is certainly a lover of the Lord, in the Sacred Scriptures, and has been touched deeply by his family struggle with infertility. I was really touched by his sharing of his story and sufferings, and found his sermon gave a lot of food for thought and meditation. I especially appreciated his admonition against the “prosperity gospel” which might lead some IF sufferers to think they’ve done something wrong to deserve it.

One perspective on the suffering element is that we are allowed to suffer to enter into the suffering of the Lord, and that we can be allowed to suffer for many reasons, including to purify us from sin and attachments, grow closer to our Lord (the only road to the Resurrection is the Cross), and suffer as a way of prayer/ intercession in action on behalf of some intention or person. Catholics call this “Redemptive Suffering.” More on this here.

Also, there’s a beautiful letter on the meaning of suffering here

Anyway, my big issue with this sermon is that he really skips over the morality bit, without even a cursory explanation of what is correct and what isn’t. I do love that he does mention that not all fertility treatments are licit, but he really leaves the congregation hanging. Is it because he doesn’t have enough time in the sermon, or perhaps he doesn’t wish to discuss it in mixed company, or is it because he lacks a certain courage to condemn certain practices (IVF, “selective reduction”,therapeutic cloning, etc.)? It’s not clear to me, and I wish it was addressed even in a general way.

Non-Catholic Christians, what are your thoughts on this? Have you had an guidance in the morality department, especially from spiritual leaders? What’s the response? Have you struggled with this? What’s been the most helpful to you.

Have you seen the movie UP? It looked cute, and my Dad recommended it, so we thought we’d give it a go.

“Cute” is no longer an adequate word to describe this film for me because what could have been a schmaltzy animated film ended up being a dramatic commentary on life, love and fatherhood. Of course, it’s very funny in parts, and quite action-packed, but it for me was a sort of animated “Last Lecture,” complete with adventure, dreams, joy, loss, suffering and triumph. Thinking I’m reading too much into a computer cartoon movie?

Check out the above pictures, two separate  but back-to-back scenes in the first fifteen minutes of the film. The story of Ellie & Carl Frederickson begins with their meeting as children, both in love with fantastic adventures. They grow up, fall in love, marry, renovate their first home together, and do what married couples do: they decide to fill it with children. [Spoiler alert: don't read the rest if you don't want to know about the plot!] They begin the journey to parenthood, only to have it cut short. This part of the film is done very succinctly and tastefully, but the pictures communicated the cascade of feelings of what couples go through when they lose a child or can’t conceive. It was tremendously powerful for me watching this because my husband and I have been married for three years, and haven’t been able to conceive.  Though we know we have much hope, and look forward to starting the NaProtechnology process through the Creighton Model of FertilityCare, it’s still difficult.

I have so much sympathy for my friends and non-friends alike who go through this struggle, which often results in a successful pregnancy after years of suffering, or perhaps sometimes ends with disappointment and irreversible infertility. I think people forget the grief that can come with this struggle, especially if one has previously contracepted, aborted, or engaged in a lifestyle that has negatively impacted their fertility.

So my first thought and recommendation is to pray for those who are struggling with sub-fertility or infertility. They need your prayers, and they need your support. If someone you know suffers a miscarriage, still born, or sudden infant death, the best thing you can do is to suffer with them, and to listen. Bring dinner, help babysit or run errands for them, too, because pregnancy or child loss is overwhelming. Whatever you do, do NOT try to “help” by saying things like, “Oh you already have [number] children; it’s okay,” or “You’re still young,” or something ridiculous like that. According to my several friends who’ve miscarried, these types of comments are all too common, and completely ignore the fact that after conception, it’s a human person just like you and I, and there’s a similar grief as when an adult dies.

Also, don’t judge a person by the size of their family. Uggh. This seems to be common Christian sense, but it’s sadly ubiquitous among pious people to judgmentally implement this uncaring silent algorithm that “If they’ve been married X years, they only have X kids, she still works (etcetera), they must be contracepting.” AHHH! PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT OTHERS HAVE SUFFERED THROUGH. Yes, it’s true that many families have their requisite two children, and contracept or sterilize themselves through the rest of their marriage. We all make mistakes, and if you haven’t in this area, give thanks. However, you still shouldn’t judge, and you definitely should give people the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps we’ll even learn something that way.

Lastly, the movie which provided my introduction and reflection on infertility, is also a movie about taking chances, moving forward through suffering, and ultimately, about spiritual parenthood. It turns out you can still be a mother or father to someone without giving birth or even without adopting. Adoption is a beautiful and heroic thing, but if for whatever reason a couple can’t achieve it, they still are parents. This isn’t the desolate consolation for the infertile, but a great gift with which all people have been given: the gift of spiritual parenthood. In the end, the elder Carl Frederickson gives the gift of parenthood to little Russell, his accidental companion on the adventure that is UP.

So, next Mother’s Day or Father’s day, please remember couples without children, or who are struggling to have children. Wish them sincerely a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. This goes for childless pastors, priests and elderly as well. They are sexual beings with the gift of masculinity/ femininity and parenthood as well. And let us all give thanks for the gift of children in an age where the child is denigrated is so many ways.

Here’s a couple articles on the Gift of Infertility that I found very informative from a health perspective and a moral perspective:

• The Gift of Infertility (part 1)
• The Gift of Infertility (part 2)
• The Gift of Infertility (part 3)
• The Gift of Infertility (part 4)

One More Soul's New Logo

Number five in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective NFP Promoters is Creative Presence, which includes an updated and effective web site that utilizes pictures and other media well. Here are a couple of my favorite web sites, including One More Soul’s newly updated web site, a priority of new Exec Director, Jenn Giroux (interview forthcoming). They’ve got a new logo, a slide show of their featured posts, persons and events, and an overall new setup.

One of those fertility-friendly web sites that’s gone through a redux is FertilityCare Centers of America. Well done, FertilityCare Centers!

They’ve harnessed the power of video and YouTube. They’ve kept the text simple, bulleted and readable (as opposed to their sister site of the Pope Paul VI Institute which is text heavy–8 point Times New Roman is not recommended–and virtually image and click-through free). Their color palette is cool, which is relaxing and lends itself I think to a medical feel, affirming their clinical setting. They offered simple and persuasive testimonials, links and very practical information on the p in obtaining insurance codes for natural family planning and fertility treatment through natural family planning.

The only thing I think they could add is a Facebook fan page (there are some hard-core FC fans out there!), an Amazon.com or One More Soul link to purchase their amazing testimonial book “Women Healed.” But it’s a great step in the right direction!

One of my other favorites is New Jersey NFP Association (NJNFP), founded by Damon & Melanie Owens. It’s clean, simple, uses effective and modern NFP terminology, and is organized well. They only thing that they could use is perhaps some embedded video promoting NFP. Damon’s a well known Theology of the Body speaker, so I imagine he’s got some video coverage somewhere! Keep it up Owens’!

From a Catholic Diocesan office point of view, Chicago’s NFP Office got one of the best–if not THE best–NFP sites out there. It’s got a similar color pallette as NJNFP, which gives it a warm glow and comfortable feel. They have a simple but good use of Flash in their header and left sidebar.  My only criticism might be that NFP is generally listed in the engaged area, which sort of makes the assumption that there’s not pastoral need to promote NFP to married couples. Since 90% of Catholic married couples are contracepting, I might make NFP more prominent in their “Marriage Resources” page. Overall, they just have a lot going on over in Chicago, so there’s plenty of coverage of their programs.

Gianna Healthcare, Manhattan’ only Catholic Health Center for Women, opened Monday, November 23rd, and had its open house this past Tuesday, December 8th, to a waiting list of patients eager to receive authentically Catholic and woman-centered health care. Gianna Healthcare is offered at the John Paul II Center for Women, located on East 40th Street in Manhattan, but is owned by St. Vincent’s Hospital. According to the Sisters of Charity, the order that founded the hospital, the felt strongly drawn to the project because cooperative procreative healthcare and IVF alternatives are a rarity and something greatly needed by women in New York.

Read more about the Gianna Healthcare opening at Zenit.

About Gianna Healthcare.