NFPworks » Natural Family Planning

Less Than, Greater Than

Jul 112010

[The first couple paragraphs were written months ago, but quickly got sucked into the stresses of moving, new job, etc. So I'm back.]

If indolence was an achievement, my mantle would be crowded with the crowns, statuettes and medals of one who’s virtually made a career out of insecure resignation and incomplete projects.

This post is a sort of public examination of my writer’s conscience and apology for giving much less than I am able to. It took me a decade to realize–more than superficially–that I am smart. In all honesty (which is what humility is) I am really smart, and I have been given a suitcase full of talents and gifts on this little journey I’m on. But more or less for my whole life (there are a few exceptions), I’ve stashed my bag ‘o gifts under the bed where my will has been napping for decades.

I’ve always struggled with this sanguine tendency to be ultra passionate in the moment, which dies quickly once removed from the fire. Faced with a fabulous person, an interesting topic, or stimulating topic or conversation, I immerse myself. Then…..

Though I’ve been aware of this tension between my promise and my actual performance–I’ve labeled myself a consummate failure for years–it was really this past winter and spring (Lent in particular) when I finally read Lukewarmness: The Devil in Disguise, that I realized how seriously I’ve not lived my capacity for great things. Under the guise of forgiving myself for my humanity, I’ve ceded the struggle for holiness. This simple but striking book about how little compromises in the everyday lead to calamity for the soul and the beneficiaries of our God-given gifts was a real cause for examination of conscience.

Now you may think I’m being too hard on myself, but that’s probably because you don’t know me extremely well. Despite my lukewarmness for the better part of five years, God’s used me to do some very cool things for his glory. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve been as faithful to my interior life and hard-working as I could be, does it? No.

So, to my God I’ve apologized. To my past employers I apologize. To my friends and colleagues, I apologize. To all those who’ve invited me to write for them, I apologize for rarely or not delivering altogether. (Right Strat? Right, Joseph? Right Christina?) For the latter I am particularly contrite, because I’ve come to realize that not only do I love to write, but that I am called to write. I have a seed of artistry in me, which has been poorly sewn and stewarded for several years.

So, as I begin a new journey and challenge as small school administrator in rural Wyoming, pray that I will remember the gift within me, the call to cultivate it, and the imperative to persevere and to finish what I’ve begun. The Lord will bring to completion what He’s begun in me (Phil 1.6), and I only pray I can be faithful in the present moment, always moving forward.

1 John 4.4

Faithful blog readers and friends, thank you for your words and messages of encouragement in these last months of silence. Stay tuned for more….

Leaving on a Jet Plane

News 2 Responses »

Oct 292009

Filename: j0442499.jpg Keywords: aircrafts, airplanes, businesses ... File Size: 144 KB Provided by: Fotolia.com

I’m off to the “Renewing the Face of the Earth” Conference at the University of St. Thomas today. It’s a conference on stewardship and creation, which will touch a plethora of topics, including procreation and domestic prudence. I’ll keep you posted on the joys to be found in St Paul this weekend (to include Janet Smith).

Any Minnesotans?

Uncategorized 4 Responses »

Oct 272009

Hey NFP friends, I’m going to a conference in the Twin Cities this weekend (arrive Thursday evening), and my accommodation with friends fell through! (Thanks swine flu and strep. Boo.) Since I’m in between jobs and trying to start this non-profit, my funds are limited (i.e., hotels are nearly out, unless St. Joseph writes me a check!).

Does anyone have any ideas for a place to crash/ rent a guest room, especially on short notice? Prayers, please. Thanks!

Update: Found a place with some new friends! Thanks everyone for the prayers and suggestions.

We Now Break for an NFPworks PSA

Events, Morality & Ethics 3 Responses »

Sep 042009

For the practice of love of God and neighbor and self, I recommend highly St. Ignatius Loyola’s Rules for Discernment, which come from his spiritual masterpiece “The Spiritual Exercises.” (I know a religious order who preaches the most rockin’ spiritual exercises. Do it! What a gift. You’ll see.) These are rules of the spiritual life based on good psychology and the awareness that we are not alone in the spiritual life, for better or worse. Well, rule number five states,

In time of desolation never to make a change; but to be firm and constant in the resolutions and determination in which one was the day preceding such desolation, or in the determination in which he was in the preceding consolation. Because, as in consolation it is rather the good spirit who guides and counsels us, so in desolation it is the bad, with whose counsels we cannot take a course to decide rightly. (Thank you, www.cfpeople.org)

Translation: don’t make a decision or do anything rash when you’re feeling desolate, i.e., upset, melancholy, frustrated, confused, angry, etc. Sometimes this desolation comes from our own funk, some times it comes from the bad spirit (could it be…satan?), and sometimes both. So don’t do rash things when you’re upset. It’s never good.

END OF PSA.

How this applies in my own life is that this past week I received an email that frustrated me. My articles were pulled from Family Foundations for a reason I’m not sure I understood or agreed with. (Reality check: this happens all the time to writers, and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Buck up and move on.) In my frustration and confusion, I decided to…..follow the fifth rule of discernment (or the commandments, for crying out loud)? NO! Absolutely not. That would make me consistent and balanced. No, I decided to take the path of least resistance and post an update to the entry below in a tone that, though not intended to be, was uncharitable. For the fifty one readers who saw that, I apologize to you for setting a bad example of internet courtesy, and to my friends at Family Foundations, because I’m grateful for anyone fighting for a voice for fertility and families today. For everyone, else, do don’t what I did, and keep on reading. For everyone: pray for me, and take the spiritual exercises for yourself!

How people find NFPworks

News 3 Responses »

Aug 272009

My blog loves meeting new people, and does so all the time, evidently.

WordPress has a nice little function that lets us know how people get introduced, including a summary of the search terms people use to find us. Any guesses as to what the top terms are?

Let me give you some hints. If you are an early follower of the blog (back in the crazy mid-2007′s and early 2008′s), you might remember a certain child-free post where I let ‘er rip–imprudently so, I admit–against the worst of the childfree movement. Don’t look for it–it’s hidden since the appearance of death threats. Yes, really. Death threats. You shall know them by their fruits.

Anyway, here’s the summary of how things come up on your search engine: most search engines (to my knowledge-correct me if I’m wrong) rank your web site and relevant key phrases/ tags/ subjects by a combination of the number of hits and how many people link to your web site. Well, a huge number of hits came from my friend BritGirl, a child-”free” devotee who found my blog entry who-knows-how (I was a green blogger then with a max of 5 hits a day) who betrays her own intolerance and exclusivity with every keystroke.

Any ideas yet? Write down your top guesses, given my preface, then check out the answers. Continue reading »

Bear with me...

News No Responses »

Jun 162009

Filename: j0424124.wmf Keywords: animals, bears, mammals ... File Size: 5 KB
I’m in the process of packing, job searching, selling 2/3 of my belongings and my car, so posts may be thin for a week or two. Keep Mr. NFPworks and me in your prayers!