Cricket.

Cricket.

Cricket.

My own blog bores me.

Really. When I look at it, read it, write for it, and then reflect on what inspires me, what sets me on fire, what makes me laugh and full of joy and intensely in love with life, there’s no fire here. If someone were to do a cursory read of my blog, they’d probably be bored, too. At the very least, they wouldn’t have a very complete picture of who I am and the way I desire to live.

I am absolutely not having a pity party or fishing for blog affirmation here. Just follow me here. Let’s walk and talk. I just realized recently that my blog doesn’t reflect my personal mission and creativity very much. Sure, there are flashes, pieces, scraps of my polyphonically creative soul (too self-aggrandizing?), but it’s a far cry from expressing the essence of what inspires me.

So what inspires me? 

Humor & Wit

Ever since I saw a live Second City performance in Chicago (thank you Kim!), I’ve become addicted to great comedy, comedy writing and improvisation. I think humor is a universal language, so if we use our wit more in our work and apostolate, we gain more friends (as long as it’s in charity). Who are my favorite writers and comedians (I withhold political/ moral judgement from most here because they are SO talented and often make universally good points with their comedy)? Tina Fey (and the writers of 30 Rock), Peter Sagal & the writers of Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me!, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, John Stewart, Nick Thune, Maria Bamford, Steve Higgins, Jimmy Fallon & the writers of Late Night, Kristin Wiig and the writers of SNL, Joel McHale, Brian Regan, and I’m probably leaving some out….[Update: I did. I just added Peter Sagal & the writers of my fav radio show.]

Examples of humor and wit that I love

If you have not seen Saturday Night Live’s commercial parodies, some of them are amazing. Their “Annuale” parody of Seasonelle (now Seasonique, I believe), the four times a year birth control pill is *stellar*. If liberal mamajamas like Fey can see that suppressing your fertility for “convenience” might not be healthy, who *can’t* get on board with making fun of birth control? The sketch– if you’ve not seen it (sensitive viewers, there’s a crude part where Wiig goes over the top crazy–fast forward):

I have a notebook of ideas of how to promote NFP and/ or make fun of contraception, spurred by my love of what the now defunct Project Plus did with anti-Pill ads on their Virginia campus. Here’s one of the Proejct Plus ads (well worn, sorry):

When have you seen an NFP ad like *that*? There’s nothing high tech or overly stylistic about it–it’s just witty, funny and TRUE.

 Awesome, fresh design that’s not trying too hard or selling out

I am a design nerd and snob. That’s probably redundant. While I don’t have a fine arts/ graphic design degree, my natural creativity combined with a few design, merchandising and photography classes make me passionate about how things appear. Words and images are so very important, and it’s important to stay on top of design, writing and advertising principles and trends. Let me again qualify that I am far from being a design professional with a capital “P”, but I like to think I have decent awareness and taste about most things visual.

Knowing that the Christian Church is THE community of the Incarnation and a great mother of the arts, why are our design and communications standards so very, very low? Yes, poverty and lack of resources is a reason (“the poor you will always have with you”), but that’s not good enough. You know how many things you can do well for free? Free, I say! Most of the things I’ve done in print, design or web are free or fairly low cost, so in my opinion there are very few excuses for still using clip art from the 90′s and doing everything in Times New Roman with way too much text.

Though I happen to be a self appointed design/ social media nerd, I also know this is not just a young adult thing. Or is it? What do you think? To quote my recent interview with Fathers for Good,

…Although the target market for NFP was largely (though not exclusively) young adults, there was a distinct un-young staleness to it all. My well-formed Catholic peers think the culture of Humanae Vitae is beautiful, relevant and exciting, so why was NFP promotion so uninspired?

Do not mistake what I am saying: I am NOT trying to compromise my morals and ideals for the sake of relevance like some coffee shop church or postmodern middle age pastor trying too hard to be cool. We need to be authentic and true to who we are and frankly, how old we are. But that doesn’t mean that it all can’t be cool and inspiring. My favorite examples of churchy people who have got their design and artistic ducks in a row (you should bookmark these if you haven’t already):

• Grassroots Films (If you’ve not heard of their most notable films, the short “Fishers of Men” and the feature “The Human Experience”, and their vocations web site NYPriest, you may be actually living under a rock.)
• Larknews (This is the Protestant version of the Onion, and I love it. I want to make fun of my Church like this!)
• Creative Minority Report: If you’ve not read these guys in Catholic news and blogging all star virtual lounge, you should. They’re not strictly satirical and ironic, but they certainly dial up the funny on the blogosphere.
• And many more….. What are your favorite funny, hip and well designed religious or NFP-related designers, artists and web sites? Not merely adequate or decent, mind you, but the really inspired people. Who are they?

[The first couple paragraphs were written months ago, but quickly got sucked into the stresses of moving, new job, etc. So I'm back.]

If indolence was an achievement, my mantle would be crowded with the crowns, statuettes and medals of one who’s virtually made a career out of insecure resignation and incomplete projects.

This post is a sort of public examination of my writer’s conscience and apology for giving much less than I am able to. It took me a decade to realize–more than superficially–that I am smart. In all honesty (which is what humility is) I am really smart, and I have been given a suitcase full of talents and gifts on this little journey I’m on. But more or less for my whole life (there are a few exceptions), I’ve stashed my bag ‘o gifts under the bed where my will has been napping for decades.

I’ve always struggled with this sanguine tendency to be ultra passionate in the moment, which dies quickly once removed from the fire. Faced with a fabulous person, an interesting topic, or stimulating topic or conversation, I immerse myself. Then…..

Though I’ve been aware of this tension between my promise and my actual performance–I’ve labeled myself a consummate failure for years–it was really this past winter and spring (Lent in particular) when I finally read Lukewarmness: The Devil in Disguise, that I realized how seriously I’ve not lived my capacity for great things. Under the guise of forgiving myself for my humanity, I’ve ceded the struggle for holiness. This  simple but striking book about how little compromises in the everyday lead to calamity for the soul and the beneficiaries of our God-given gifts was a real cause for examination of conscience.

Now you may think I’m being too hard on myself, but that’s probably because you don’t know me extremely well. Despite my lukewarmness for the better part of five years, God’s used me to do some very cool things for his glory. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve been  as faithful to my interior life and hard-working as I could be, does it? No.

So, to my God I’ve apologized. To my past employers I apologize. To my friends and colleagues, I apologize. To all those who’ve invited me to write for them, I apologize for rarely or not delivering altogether. (Right Strat? Right, Joseph? Right Christina?) For the latter I am particularly contrite, because I’ve come to realize that not only do I love to write, but that I am called to write. I have a seed of artistry in me, which has been poorly sewn and stewarded for several years.

So, as I begin a new journey and challenge as small school administrator in rural Wyoming, pray that I will remember the gift within me, the call to cultivate it, and the imperative to persevere and to finish what I’ve begun. The Lord will bring to completion what He’s begun in me (Phil 1.6), and I only pray I can be faithful in the present moment, always moving forward.

1 John 4.4

Faithful blog readers and friends, thank you for your words and messages of encouragement in these last months of silence. Stay tuned for more….

I’m off to the “Renewing the Face of the Earth” Conference at the University of St. Thomas today. It’s a conference on stewardship and creation, which will touch a plethora of topics, including procreation and domestic prudence. I’ll keep you posted on the joys to be found in St Paul this weekend (to include Janet Smith).

Hey NFP friends, I’m going to a conference in the Twin Cities this weekend (arrive Thursday evening), and my accommodation with friends fell through! (Thanks swine flu and strep. Boo.) Since I’m in between jobs and trying to start this non-profit, my funds are limited (i.e., hotels are nearly out, unless St. Joseph writes me a check!).

Does anyone have any ideas for a place to crash/ rent a guest room, especially on short notice? Prayers, please. Thanks!

Update: Found a place with some new friends! Thanks everyone for the prayers and suggestions.

For the practice of love of God and neighbor and self, I recommend highly St. Ignatius Loyola’s Rules for Discernment, which come from his spiritual masterpiece “The Spiritual Exercises.” (I know a religious order who preaches the most rockin’ spiritual exercises. Do it! What a gift. You’ll see.) These are rules of the spiritual life based on good psychology and the awareness that we are not alone in the spiritual life, for better or worse. Well, rule number five states,

In time of desolation never to make a change; but to be firm and constant in the resolutions and determination in which one was the day preceding such desolation, or in the determination in which he was in the preceding consolation. Because, as in consolation it is rather the good spirit who guides and counsels us, so in desolation it is the bad, with whose counsels we cannot take a course to decide rightly. (Thank you, www.cfpeople.org)

Translation: don’t make a decision or do anything rash when you’re feeling desolate, i.e., upset, melancholy, frustrated, confused, angry, etc. Sometimes this desolation comes from our own funk, some times it comes from the bad spirit (could it be…satan?), and sometimes both. So don’t do rash things when you’re upset. It’s never good.

END OF PSA.

How this applies in my own life is that this past week I received an email that frustrated me. My articles were pulled from Family Foundations for a reason I’m not sure I understood or agreed with. (Reality check: this happens all the time to writers, and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Buck up and move on.) In my frustration and confusion, I decided to…..follow the fifth rule of discernment (or the commandments, for crying out loud)? NO! Absolutely not. That would make me consistent and balanced. No, I decided to take the path of least resistance and post an update to the entry below in a tone that, though not intended to be, was uncharitable. For the fifty one readers who saw that, I apologize to  you for setting a bad example of internet courtesy, and to my friends at Family Foundations, because I’m grateful for anyone fighting for a voice for fertility and families today. For everyone, else, do don’t what I did, and keep on reading. For everyone: pray for me, and take the spiritual exercises for yourself!

My blog loves meeting new people, and does so all the time, evidently.

WordPress has a nice little function that lets us know how people get introduced, including a summary of the search terms people use to find us. Any guesses as to what the top terms are?

Let me give you some hints. If you are an early follower of the blog (back in the crazy mid-2007′s and early 2008′s), you might remember a certain child-free post where I let ‘er rip–imprudently so, I admit–against the worst of the childfree movement. Don’t look for it–it’s hidden since the appearance of death threats. Yes, really. Death threats. You shall know them by their fruits.

Anyway, here’s the summary of how things come up on your search engine: most search engines (to my knowledge-correct me if I’m wrong) rank your web site and relevant key phrases/ tags/ subjects by a combination of the number of hits and how many people link to your web site. Well, a huge number of hits came from my friend BritGirl, a child-”free” devotee who found my blog entry who-knows-how (I was a green blogger then with a max of 5 hits a day) who betrays her own intolerance and exclusivity with every keystroke.

Any ideas yet? Write down your top guesses, given my preface, then check out the answers.Here they are:

I’m in the process of packing, job searching, selling 2/3 of my belongings and my car, so posts may be thin for a week or two. Keep Mr. NFPworks and me in your prayers!